Dear Service Industry, 9 Times Out of 10, Would You Please Keep Your Comments to Yourself?

I'm buying groceries at the local bodega, making small talk with the guys behind the counter, who I have a very teasing relationship with, back and forth.

There are three of them: the youngest son who is 19 and then his brother who is 23 and the father in his 50s.

It is the 23-year-old who has the wicked sense of humor. One time I told him that I was meeting with a book editor, and he asked me what kind of a book I was going to write, and I said, "It's going to be about you guys." Without missing a beat, he replied, "I'm writing a book about you, too. It's called "The Crazy Chick Around the Corner."

I belly-laughed.

Another time I went in for Midol, and he asked, "How many do you want? I mean, how bad do you get?" Like a friendship where you instinctively sense what is OK, this was, and he completely cracked me up.

But like any familial service industry relationship, there are times when it gets complicated -- times when you just want the damned coffee, hold the commentary.

So when I spent a weekend recently binge-working, I accompanied it with binge-eating courtesy of this same bodega: Oreos and goldfish crackers and chain smoking a pack of Marlboro Reds just for good measure. I was so disgusted with myself by the end of it, I made the promise to myself it would be the last time I would ever abuse my body for the sake of ploughing through a workload.

When I returned yet again to my favorite funny family-owning bodega, I ended up talking to the more traditional father rather than the fairly hilarious 23-year-old.

The father looked at me square in the eye and said, "Yes, weight is the one thing you really need to watch."

That got my attention. Suddenly I didn't feel like kidding around anymore. 

"So, ring me up?" I said, putting an end to screw-around-time with my friends at the bodega. I didn't take his remark all too personally -- as I knew that he was going with the vibe that I normally create, which is one where we all kid and say whatever. Still, it got me thinking about how much of an exception this man's 23-year-old son really was in that I loved joking with the kid, but he was the rarity. For the most part -- I would say 9 out of 10 times -- I just want to anonymously purchase my acne medication and Spanx and anti-gas pills or whatever embarrassing items are on my shopping list.

When I left the bodega, I was still a little riled from the "watch your weight" comment, and I wanted to do something passive-aggressive and bitchy. So I tweeted it:

And then I decided that I wanted to know other people's stories, too:

The thread soon became a potpourri of service industry anecdotes that were at times hilarious and other times brutal in how awkward and inappropriate these all-too-familiar encounters often became.

A dozen of my favorites:

1. "I enjoyed the hardware store clerk who asked me how much weight I had gained in my pregnancy. (I was pregnant at the time.)"

2. "I was having brunch with a younger, male companion, who ordered us Irish coffees. When the waitress checked my ID (I'm 45), she said to me, 'You're holding up well.' Um, that's not exactly a compliment, beeyatch." -- Tara Dublin

3. "A 49-year-old mom and her 14-year-old son pull up to a hotel. Bell boy grabs their bags, turns to the teen and jauntily asks, 'Is this you and your hubby's first time in Hawaii?'"

4. "While getting my eyebrows threaded: 'Are you really absolutely sure you don't want me to do your upper lip too?'" -- Dana Robinson

5. "A sushi place I used to order from frequently would EVERY TIME say 'same again?' and laugh."

6. "A supermarket checker saw the salad dressing I was purchasing and commented, 'They make a low fat version of this. It's not bad, you should try it!' I try to give her the benefit of the doubt that she meant no judgement or harm, but ugh!" -- Winona Awesumpants

7. "My friend recently purchased Midol and the cashier told her the chocolate was on sale."

9. "Are you sure you're not having twins?" From a fellow Walmart cashier. I'm 21 weeks pregnant, with 1 baby only!" -- Kristy Volansky

10. "At work happy hour, bartender told me if I was going to drink so much I should switch to white wine so it wouldn't be so obvious."

11. "'Can I see your ID?' When I went to buy a DVD of RISKY BUSINESS. I was 33. When she looked at it, she paused and said, 'There's a fellow who works here who's 17 and has just as big a beard as you do.' The really funny part was that I had purchased plenty of R-rated movies from her before, but for some reason she decided in that moment she might have to protect me from the naked charms of Rebecca De Mornay." -- Allan Mott

12. "'Second bottle of wine this week, hmm? Boyfriend been bad?' No, two dinner parties, dick." 

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What about you? And, are you really sure you want whipped cream with that anecdote you're about to share in the comments?